[ ♪ theme ♪ ] stf hello current tv world. hello. why, it is after sexy liberal weekend. and i barely have a brain cell left. good morning, jacki schechner. >> you sound like you smoked a pack of cigarettes. >> yeah, she's road flare stephanie. stf my voice sounds like this because of all of the blacks and their escalades. >> did you have a good birthday celebration in seattle? >> i'll talk about it after the break. everybody said friday's show, best show ever with birther queen orly taitz.

>> and maya angelou. >> penny marshall. you packed it. >> people want to know what jim ward wasn't on the road. he cannot be allowed out anywhere around human beings. >> jim ward thinks orly taitzs is hot. >> ooh! >> i was like oh, jim! all right. i'll tell you. here she is, my bff, jacki schechner. >> higher standards, people. good morning everyone. if you're a big, fat political geek like i am or interested in this particular election, it should be an interesting week ahead. president obama is in henderson nevada where he's practicing for the next couple of days. both the president and mitt romney's camps are trying to lower expectations so that if someone does particularly well, it will be an apparent surprise. we heard over the weekend that mitt romney is working on some hard-hitting one-liners because he has that well-timed sense of

humor thing. here's the president in response to that news. >> i know folks in the media are speculating already on who's going to have the best zingers. governor romney is a good debater. >> not so sure if he's a good zinger. the presidential last debate was back in 2008. he and mitt romney have never gone head to head. romney does need a win to make this a game changer. the match-up will be wednesday night in denver and of course, we know that you'll be tuned in right here to current tv tv for all of our pre and post-debate coverage. 83% of respondents to a new abc news poll said they're interested in the debates as well. so you're in good company. the supreme court starts a new session today. it plans to take up at least three big issues. it will focus on gay marriage, voting rights on affirmative action. fist stop will be affirmative action. opening arguments october 10th has to do with a city in texas

and whether it will continue to use racial preferential as a factor in admissions. we're back with more steph after the break. presents coverage of the presidential debate. with unrivaled analysis and commentary. >> you're going to hear that used as a major talking point. (vo) the only network with real-time reaction straight from the campaigns and from viewers like you. >>now that's politically direct.

[ ♪ theme music ♪ ] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's "the stephanie miller show." ♪ i'm walkin' on sunshine ♪ ♪ i'm walkin' on sunshine ♪ ♪ and it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey, all right now ♪ ♪ and it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: i'm sorry. i was practicing my debate zingers before the show. 1-800-steph-12. the phone number toll free from anywhere. we'll have to invite mitt romney on the sexy liberal tour after he gets defeated in a landslide. he's been practicing his zingers.

[ applause ] look out! >> god. >> stephanie: comedy train wreck all over it. one of those people who gets overexcited and rushes their punch line. >> i'm concerned about his mental well-being. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: ann, you're not helping. >> go nuts on us? >> stephanie: concern for his mental well-being. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> stephanie: one time i served -- instead of beluga and whoa! [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> the 3:00 a.m. phone call would come in and he would be in the fetal position in the corner. >> holy crap. thanks for that window into your life ann. >> stephanie: that stretcher is now at the right height. now i can get on. wow. she's concerned for his mental well-being in the white house? good. that's soothing. wow! worst campaign ever!

[ ding ding ] [ applause ] >> mitt romney, he could go nuts at any time. >> whenever ann goes out to do something by herself she gets in a whole -- >> stephanie: something you're not telling us about? >> he can't wait to start world war iii. >> stephanie: he's probably like you. a high-strung kid that if a lincoln log didn't look exactly like on the box -- >> throw it against the wall. little baby hook smash. >> stephanie: all right. so kids! >> great name for a band. >> better than the four skins. >> stephanie: mama's birthday smash in seattle. >> how was it? >> stephanie: oh my god. >> who were the two -- >> stephanie: sold out crowd. 2700 people. ron reagan and dan savage. oh, my god. rock star. >> it doesn't get better than that. [ applause ] >> i hear dan savage in person is the coolest guy ever.

>> stephanie: the whole night was the coolest night ever. best panel ever. it was insane. good time was had by all. [ applause ] thank you, seattle. i love you! >> stephanie: all right. during the birthday spankings, somebody gave me a poke with their space needle. [ buzzer ] >> someone ended up pregnant. >> stephanie: i said stop it! that was hard. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> ann: stop it. this is hard. >> stephanie: i can make anything into a -- [ bleep ] >> yes, you can. >> stephanie: i already did drop two giant names. this is how lucky i am. guess who sent champagne backstage.

wagner. except for hal. >> they should send it to the show here. you have a knack for this sort of thing. that's why i'm reading this. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] love and admiration to you and your miracle workers john, hal chris and jacki. love you guys. >> and jim? >> stephanie: jim i'm sorry. look at her handwriting it's worst than mine. [ applause ] >> that's how you know she didn't get anyone to write it for her. >> stephanie: she has other thoughts she put in later. >> she edits herself like any good writer does. >> stephanie: like getting a first draft. sign of intelligence life. >> wow. >> stephanie: it was just an amazing night. thank you, seattle. greatest birthday. jilly in seattle and ellie in

sausalito met for the first time. they've been chat room and e-mail friends for years. >> back when we had steph's space. >> stephanie: really? okay. >> the final frontier. >> hi, mama. we had such a great time. you were in rare form. my hats off to one of the only women i know with a filthier mouth than mine. my excuse is i'm married to a steelworker. [ applause ] this is only for folks in television land. you have to look at what ellie made me. look at this. she put mama in the obama poster. >> oh, that is cool. and fred and max. >> you should frame that. >> stephanie: i am going to. i can't believe i brought it in for you people to see. wife the chardonnay off it. thank you, everybody.

this is debate week, speaking of entertainment. as jacki was saying, is it just political geeks i'm so excited. every week is prom week for me when its's a debate. we'll be doing the predebate show at 4:00 pacific 7:00 eastern. this close to prime time. can you believe current is letting us this close to prime time. >> we're close. >> stephanie: then we're going to watch the debate at current you know, boozing it up. >> we are? >> stephanie: jacki has to keep working but we aren't. >> i have to get sound bytes. >> stephanie: i will be drinking and bothering jacki. what are you doing? you sure you don't want wine? you have to go back on air? oh. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] this is going to be good. from business insider. romney has been practicing debate zingers. he's been practicing his humorous spontaneity. >> a priest and -- >> stephanie: i've already screwed it up.

>> i wouldn't walk into a bar anyway. >> stephanie: it doesn't matter. the premise doesn't work. shut up! but it doesn't make any sense you see because i'm a mormon and i don't drink. yeah, we get it! the debates will come down to a few key sound bytes romney has been memorizing and practicing. >> oh, god. >> stephanie: a series of zingers that his team has written for him. >> two peanuts were walking down the street and one of them had salt on it. [ crickets chirping ] no. >> stephanie: romney has practiced delivering the lines on aides since august. aides who presumably are paid to laugh at the same line. oh my god, that was better. by the way nothing like repetition to make it funny. seamless delivery already. sidesplitting but then if you've heard it like the tenth time. there was a story about how much he pays his aides. obama's staff is like -- twice

the size. and now i understand why romney's overpaying. he's a, not a very good businessman and b, because they have to listen to the same stupid jokes over and over. >> a horse with a long face walks into a bar and the bartender says why are you here? [ crickets chirping ] >> stephanie: no, mitt. why do you think it's comedy my fair lady. no! oh god. >> the guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his head and the parrot says something obscene which i can't repeat here. [ mock laughter ] [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] >> why is there a red light on? >> stephanie: we're helpers. we're blessed because of our fans to have the number one comedy tour in the country. so all i'm saying is mitt, we'll help you. come to comedy camp with sexy liberals. we'll help you this week to make it less painful for all of us. >> we promise not to short sheet your bed. >> give him a ten minute set at your next sexy liberal show?

>> stephanie: he can open for us right after the landslide. maybe hal can teach him to do the t-rex bit. see what a robot is like trying to do physical comedy. >> morning will robinson, danger, danger! >> stephanie: all right. so this is bound to be good fun wednesday. it is debate week. i think after that, back to message. ♪ mitt should just go back to massachusetts ♪ ♪ something's telling me he must go home ♪ >> '60s version of the bee gees. ♪ home in massachusetts ♪ ♪ keep telling me that mitch should just go home ♪

♪ i wish that he would go to massachusetts ♪ ♪ i wish he would so far away ♪ >> stephanie: rocky mountain mike. >> there's only one brother gibb left. >> that's right. >> stephanie: is just a gibb, not the gibbs anymore. by the way you're not helping category, budget munster and ann romney, nobody is helping anymore. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> no! >> stephanie: everyone is trying to find their own boat on the titanic. getting people to go to the other side of the boat. >> boat full of billy zanes. >> rying to get on the louistania. >> stephanie: paul ryan -- help! help me!

busy trying to find more road flares. >> floating doors. >> stephanie: road flare mary, i need another one. yes. he said on fox news yesterday it would take me to go through all of the math. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] in the budget plan. >> it is too complicated. you wouldn't understand. >> stephanie: really? okay. all right. here he is. >> haven't given me the math. >> well, i don't -- it would take me too long to go through all of the math. >> i i i i i -- >> when fox news flusters the republican wow. you know you're in trouble. >> stephanie: you're running to be leader of the free world. >> he's the budget munster. you're right. >> stephanie: we're too stupid. i would have been like i have nothing -- >> you wouldn't understand. >> stephanie: i got nothing but time.

we just blew up the c and the d block. go! >> you and your c and d block. >> stephanie: fancy tv talk. >> sure. that's what they show on msnbc on friday nights. >> stephanie: this show we're doing, the predebate show is an actual tv show. oh so there's blocks and then what do we do? we're used to pulling it out of our ass for three hours. >> the producer said we can edit together video clips for you. >> stephanie: really? wow! how can you do that? >> i don't have to do that myself? really? is that how it works in tv? >> oh, my god. >> stephanie: same mess this is until i slam into the brake without a helmet. oh, all right we'll be back. cartoon birds. [ laughter ] >> i think we should start drinking at noon on wednesday. >> stephanie: i'm brinking wine because i be there -- will be stuck there at rush hour. if i try to go home, i'll miss it. i'm boozing it up, glug, glug,

glug, you'll see me on the regular debate coverages in the background. >> oh, god. >> stephanie: what? >> how will you be the next day? will you be able to do the radio show? the next day? >> stephanie: as always! just pulled me off the space needle yesterday. inebriated like nobody's business. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> stephanie: all right, kids, carbonite -- i don't know, if you've been living in a cave. >> why we all need carbonite live in cave. >> stephanie: only cavemen -- >> ahhh! >> stephanie: doesn't have carbonite because you're busy, you don't have time to remember to back everything up on your computer. that's the olden days for god's sake. when you put your stuff on doilies and your computer. for god's sakes, get with the time. carbonite, set it up once. your computer files are backed up whenever you are connected to the interwebs. you don't have to remember to do

it. it is $59 for the entire year. unlimited space for your pc or your mac plus access your files from any smart phone. if you run a little tiny business like i do, i just stumbled upon my own show. >> i try to look at things from both sides. >> stephanie: yes, i do. i rely on carbonite. you can get it four your computers at work. so we don't lose sound bytes commercials, music, my bad music. >> your early '90s rap. >> stephanie: go to carbonite.com. type in stephanie for a free trial. no credit card required plus two bonus months with your subscription. 20 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show." >> a beautifully wrapped glossy sweet-smelling show. >> announcer: it's "the stephanie miller show."

(vo) always outspoken, now unleashed. joy behar. >> on my next show, i'll get into cohen to dish on all 36 current housewives, and still have time left over for bethany. [ music ]

>> announcer: stephanie miller . >> stephanie: mm-hmm, okay, all that don't impress me much ♪ >> stephanie: so perfect for this show. we were discussing what wipe needs we have for watching the debate on current on wednesday. i've got you covered. >> they let you drink? >> stephanie: i didn't ask. >> okay. >> stephanie: you're not the boss of me. >> well, stephanie i am the boss of you and i don't think that's a good idea. >> stephanie: just be like -- woo-hoo. that's what i meant. woot. serious debate coverage people are doing it from new york. >> we're the unserious.

>> stephanie: mom and dad are away. l.a. girls. disco balls drop down right after our show's done. all right. i'm just excited. i'm a political geek. wednesday night obviously the first big presidential debate. i can feel the zingers coming now from the romney camp. because he's so inauthentic jim. even if someone wrote a really good line, he's going to botch it up. it is like that thing where you can hear the punch line coming from a mile away. you hear the train. >> i hear the train a comin'. comin' around the bend. >> stephanie: telegraph that for 90 seconds. >> beep, beep, beep, beep. >> stephanie: remember they used to do the sarah palin and hillary sketches on snl. when she was told to do the pitbull joke again. lipstick. there it is. very good. [ applause ] perfect.

all right. paul ryan, he's been saying yeah, there's been some missteps. >> we've had some missteps but at the end of the day the choice is really clear. we're giving people a very clear choice. >> stephanie: yes, yes. clearer and clearer. and then he proceeded to screw it up a little more by saying -- >> it's -- you wouldn't -- i wouldn't -- >> stephanie: dana in maryland. >> caller: good morning, everybody. how you doin'? >> stephanie: good. >> caller: i saw pictures from seattle. it looked fun. i like ron reagan jr. he's awesome. >> stephanie: he's awesome. >> caller: okay. so yeah, the debates i just hope that they talk about women's issues. i think that obama can slam him there. >> stephanie: by the way -- have you seen the new ads that are supposed to appeal to women with all of the babies, the mitt

romney ads? [ baby crying ] >> caller: yes. babies born through in vitro he wants to outlaw. i think -- >> stephanie: obama makes babies cry. >> caller: oh, please, if he slams him on that, there's nothing worse for you than just scorned women. i tell ya. >> stephanie: the funny thing is if you've seen any pictures from any campaign stop anywhere, mitt romney makes babies cry. ever seen babies around obama? >> caller: he can't really hold them. there is a nurturing way to hold a child. he is just very uncomfortable in any situation. >> stephanie: he's exactly like me. i recognize it. would you like to hold a baby. i'm like -- >> caller: hold the baby away from you. >> so nothing gets on you. >> germs. >> stephanie: dana, thank you honey. by the way in contrast, if you ever have seen babies happier than around obama you've heard people talk about it.

[ ♪ hypnotic ♪ ] it is like baby catnip. they did some study back in -- even when babies -- babies are shown pictures of obama. he's a baby mobile. >> pictures of obama on it. >> stephanie: exactly. >> i think that would sell. >> stephanie: if he stays president, all of our babies will be as smart as the etrade baby. >> or as creepy as the etrade baby. >> stephanie: hi, lexy. >> caller: i didn't realize what time it is. we'll take you after the bottom of the hour because rude pundit is moved to hour number three. >> he had a meeting. something more important than us. >> stephanie: that sounds fishy. right back on "the stephanie miller show." >> people who rushed in on the world trade center on 9/11. >> greedy. >> gotcha. >> stephanie: i've said this

until i'm blue in the face. but this whole debate so rankles me. this is not union people being greedy. this is the deal we made with them. this is why we said, will you (vo) what is said here could decide the election. current tv presents coverage of the presidential debate. with unrivaled analysis and commentary. >> you're going to hear that used as a major talking point. (vo) the only network with real-time reaction straight from the campaigns and from viewers like you. >>now that's politically direct.

[ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> major les child. >> she sure is. >> stephanie: "the stephanie miller show." 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. who was i going to before the break? lexy in boston. you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi lexy. >> caller: happy belated birthday stephanie miller. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: hi, mama. i heard your song about mitt going back to massachusetts. we don't want him. no. we don't want him. i think the president actually needs one of those little emp

switches from the matrix so that he can just shut down. >> stephanie: this may be an electoral first now that i think about it. not only will he lose his home state but he may lose his home state by a wider margin than any other state. >> caller: he loses all of his home states. >> stephanie: by the way whoever keeps trying to tell a humanizing story about mitt romney, stop it! [ buzzer ] seriously. this is hard. just stop it. stop trying. >> ann: stop it. you want to try it, get in the ring. this is hard. >> stephanie: speaking of people that aren't helping. ann romney. >> my biggest concern obviously would just be for the -- his mental well-being. [ scooby-doo's "huh?" ] i have all of the confidence in the world in his ability, in his decisiveness and leadership skills and his understanding of the economy and what's missing right now in the economy. the pieces that are missing to get this jump started. for me i think it would be the emotional part of it.

[ ♪ dramatic ♪ ] >> he's not emotionally ready to handle the presidency. >> stephanie: the rom bot something has gone awry. >> i'm sorry. you know i can't do that. >> stephanie: when they try to put fake emotion into the rom bot. that was scary. >> mediaite said that is worse than george romney's whole brainwashing thing. this has torpedoed his campaign. talk about the 3:00 a.m. phone call. what? what do i do? oh! >> stephanie: somebody said last week, that's what you want the guy who's going to roll down the plane window when there is a fire to take the 3:00 a.m. call. i'm an emergency spaz. some people are good in emergencies, some people are bad. i'm an emergency spaz. i'm not the person you want to be with. i'm naturally high-strung. i will always make it worse. okay. >> what? what? what's going on! [ screaming ]

>> remind me not to be near you in an earthquake. >> stephanie: i was rated for other stuff so if there ever is an earthquake -- >> oh, energy bar. good. >> stephanie: there's nothing in there damn it. look, it is the john and pam show calling everybody. where's my jingle? ♪ from ohio, it's the john and pam show ♪ ♪ it's the john and pam john and pam john and pam show ♪ >> stephanie: good morning john and pam show. >> happy birthday to you happy birthday happy birthday dear stephanie, happy birthday to you, belated ♪ >> stephanie: you two are just -- i want to spoon with you 24/7 constantly. >> hey, just wanted to tell you guys that starting tomorrow morning, ohio gets to start voting early. everybody in the buckeye state to get obama back in office. >> stephanie: let's do it.

thank you, kids, thank you pam. >> i love you guys. get out and vote, vote, vote, vote, vote! >> stephanie: that was the john and pam show. when they tell you to do something, do it! [ applause ] >> don't they have a governor who is an idiot? >> stephanie: here is a story i was getting to. [ ♪ "jeopardy" theme ♪ ] i was drunk. from seattle still. who said it isn't the chair or the ho-hum convention or the leaked video or stewart stevens or the improving economy or media bias or distorted polls or the message or mormonism it's mitt. >> ann romney. >> stephanie: that's a really good guess but no. [ ding ding ] it is the politico piece. in the end it's mitt. >> he's really not ready. [ ♪ "jeopardy" theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: with republicans everywhere wondering what happened to the campaign, people offer a simple explanation. it is candidate himself. politico has talked to dozens of republicans about this topic many raising massive amount of

money to support it. few would talk to discuss their candidate appraisals of romney. you have to know the room and he doesn't know the room. republican who donated to romney and wants him to win. he's missing the normal guy gene. that's evident. look at his painful references as athletics as sport or his call for referees to return to the nfl playing fields. it is not how factory workers in ohio talk. who said that? >> ann romney. >> stephanie: another good guess. but no. mike and others from the political piece. >> stephanie: here's the latest story. can i have some rich person music? the latest effort to convince us what it really -- what a really swell guy mitt romney is. so in touch with all y'all. s. the latest, he's not like you came at a fund-raiser in washington on thursday night. romney was introduced by bill marriott -- >> of the marriott marriotts. >> stephanie: chairman of the marriott. don't most of us have -- our own

large hotel chains. >> also a member of the lds church. >> stephanie: chairman of marriott internationals who tried to humanize his friend. >> stop it. >> stop it. >> stephanie: seriously, all of you stop it. >> ann: stop it. >> stephanie: by telling a story. you ready for this, jim? tell me if you've heard this. >> i will be utilizing humor, i should let you know. >> stephanie: this is a hoot. hang on. by telling the story of romney a few years ago while both were visiting their summer places on lake whatever in new hampshire -- >> lake win business aukee -- >> stephanie: who can't relate to this. when you're visiting your summer place. already, right their summer place is in new hampshire. he told of taking his grandchildren to town on his boat for ice cream. already can't relate. when he needed someone to help tie off the boat at the dock, they all jumped off and ran off

the dock, marriott said, according to the report and i real illsed there was nobody in the boat to help me -- i said who's going to grab the rope? can you just feel his pain from here? don't you hate it when you own a hotel chain and the help has gone missing when you've taken your kids on your boat for ice cream? oh, i hate when that happens! and i said who's going to grab the rope? and i looked up. [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] and there was mitt. >> magical story. so he pulled me in. >> angel maroney. >> stephanie: he tied up the boat for me. he rescued me just as he's going to rescue this great country. [ wah wah ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: the end. >> i'm surprised mitt got his hands dirty. his delicate, dainty little hands. >> he's never had a callous in his life. >> stephanie: that's such a relatable story to no one!

>> to rich people. it is relatable to rich people. >> stephanie: take their kidsú for ice cream in their boat on the lake from their summerhouse? what? >> i pulled the yacht up next to the -- dock, i realized there was no help to actually tie off the rope. and i thought good heavens whatever will i do. >> stephanie: i mean seriously, they just need to -- every story sounds like that. have you ever -- you think that you're eating caviar with a -- the right kind of -- you have the wrong caviar spoon. you know what i'm -- [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: stop for god's sakes. the soupspoon. >> eating caviar with a soupspoon. >> that's a lot of caviar. >> stephanie: he can afford it. >> that's not going to taste good at all. >> stephanie: that's why it is funny. >> it is like eating a mouthful

of salt. >> a mouthful of salty fish eggs. >> stephanie: you're so pedestrian. carol in pennsylvania. hi carol. >> caller: hi, i love your show. i'm so intune to you guys and can relate. here's what i would ask you to do. remind people this election is already underway to being stolen in 29 states, due to voter disenfranchising. >> stephanie: how about that. screaming about voter fraud. it is republicans. republican party paid $3.1 million to affirm under investigation for vote registration. fraud. >> caller: exactly. i don't think enough people are aware of it. i don't think nothing is being done. especially in pennsylvania. >> stephanie: carol, something is being done. it has become a criminal investigation in florida already and this same group i believe they're doing it in colorado so trust me, we're getting to it already, i

kids not in a class with 50 other kids. this stuff used to be bipartisan, but by the way, when i say our kids i don't mean me because i'm childless, elderly loser shut in.

[ ding ding ] >> you still pay property taxes and you help to fund kids even though you don't have kids. >> stephanie: why am i doing that. >> and when your dogs go to college. >> why would you get into that. i don't have kids. it's go time. it's go time. it's go time. go time. you know what time it is. go time. it's go time. it's go time. what time is it rob? here comes the young turks go time! it's go time. oh is it? then it's go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go time. anybody? anybody? what time is it? oh, right. go time! only on current tv.

it's go time. it's go time. go time. you know what time it is. go time. it's go time. it's go time. what time is it rob? here comes the young turks go time! it's go time. oh is it? then it's go. go. go. go. go. go. go. go time. anybody? anybody? what time is it? oh, right. go time! only on current tv.

>>i jump out of my skin at people when i'm upset. they're doing this this corruption based on corruption based on corruption. >>that's an understatement, eliot.

[ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ don't be sissy, just get dizzy ♪ ♪ why so serious ♪ ♪ so raise your glass if you are wrong ♪ ♪ in all of the right ways ♪ ♪ we will never be, never be, anything but loud ♪ ♪ so raise your glass if you are wrong ♪ ♪ in all the right ways ♪

>> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. 50 minutes after the hour. a lot of people raised a glass with us saturday night in seattle. we love you seattle. every venue we go to, they tell us we sold more booze at that show than has ever been here in the history of ever. including christy the official language pathology of "the stephanie miller show." great show in seattle. steph, great to see you. enjoy your birthday show in seattle. ron reagan, dan savage, you rocked the house. i brought you a box of wine as a gift but i drank it. see, drunks? [ ding ding ] [ applause ] >> bless you. >> bless you. >> stephanie: the cough button works for sneezes as well. who knew. wanted to let you know the space need that will poked you during your birthday spankings came from my black boyfriend in the second row. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> that's funny. >> stephanie: i remembered he was really cute. >> where are the white women at?

>> stephanie: right here. it was really great time was had by all. speaking of parties that i'm already -- i'm so excited about that i'm getting a little incontinent, new york coming up october 27th. >> tom harbin here. there's nothing sexier happen being a liberal. >> i'm proud to say i'm a liberal. >> having a sexy liberals, four names come to mind. aisha tyler john fuglesang and hal sparks and stephanie miller. the sexy liberal comedy tour. new york, this is comedy news that you need to know. these wildly popular progressives are coming to you live. >> do it live. snot hot child in the city ♪ >> on saturday october 27th, the sexy liberal comedy tour will perform live on stage at the world famous beacon theatre. tickets are on sale at ticketmaster.com. new york, don't miss your chance to witness political comedy history. it is progressive. it is sexy. kind of like fdr in a thong.

it is nothing like that. that would be very ugly. >> and i welcome -- >> that's the stephanie miller sexy liberal comedy tour. >> stephanie: yeah, thank you tom hartman. you know what? we had an interpreter. we had someone signing the show. >> derek morris? >> stephanie: hard of hearing. i felt really bad for her because i'm so smutty and i was thinking -- >> oh, no, they've got -- >> stephanie: i started doing deliberately dirty hand gestures just because she would have to repeat them. >> they've got sign for every word. every filthy thing imaginable. >> stephanie: she was cursing saturday to explain what i was doing. that was just -- oh, my god. john fuglesang does the hilarious -- he goes i have a -- he goes right over to her. i have a confession to make, i don't know how to do sign

language, i'm waving my hands around i hope that somebody buys it because they found me in the alley drunk. >> you were fing with the interpreter? >> stephanie: he was. she was a good sport. [ applause ] >> stephanie: i would like to have sex with a guy on stage. it was bad. he made her say -- >> that's adorable. >> stephanie: that's adorable. >> oh, no, now i've got you saying it! [ laughter ] >> stephanie: stephanie in illinois you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi steph. >> caller: hi. happy monday morning. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: you know what? paul ryan may need to go back to college since math -- ryan math 101 because you put -- you have to figure out how you got them. anyway, bain capital has visited illinois and freeport and they're closing a plant right before the holidays, beginning of november and laying off 140 i think people, taking the company to china because the company --

very profitable but it wasn't enough profit so they're laying them off. they've been sitting there trying to hold -- awareness of what they're doing. i'm going to bring a million jobs here while bain capital is shipping them out a hundred at a time. >> stephanie: he does a lot of china bashing. the feeling is not mutual. they're like thank you for all of the jobs, mitt. thank you. [ applause ] you're a job creator here. you can be president here, if you would like. ooh. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] mitt romney less popular than george w. bush according to a poll. >> that's awful. >> stephanie: he hasn't even done anything yet. he's like the worst president ever. we were just assuming he would be worse. wow. new bloom beg news poll, bush has a 46% favorablerating. romney has a 43%. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: that's really hard to do. wowee.

just his campaign is already worse than bush presidency. yikes! let's go to -- where are we? patrice in oakland on "the stephanie miller show." hi patrice. >> caller: hey stephanie. >> stephanie: hi. >> caller: i believe that -- like i said, in the past before, i think the debates are going to expose romney. all of these so-called zingers or whatever he's going to come up with, if he's relying on zingers to help him score some points, that's idiotic. and not only that but i believe that obama's going to defend his record and he's going to defend it proudly. the one that's going to be on the defensive is going to be romney. and i expect obama to be very aggressive on romney during these debates. it will be fun to watch. >> i'm not defensive. you're the one that's being defensive. it's not me, it's him. >> of course i know that. ha ha, ha, ha. >> stephanie: combination of that and the liar. >> well, that minus the

cigarette. >> stephanie: exactly. yeah. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] puck a publication and there is a mitt romney failing campaign story. the "l.a. times," mitt romney struggling, makes a new effort to connect. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] mitt romney prepares for his pi otal first debate against obama his campaign struggling to regain its footing. >> it's hard. stop it. >> stephanie: he's still struggling to connect with voters, a challenge that confronted him since the primaries, back when he was mitt and the problem is he's still mitt. >> ann: stop it. >> stephanie: stop being mitt. stop being so mitty. the mittiest campaign ever! you're doing a mitty job seriously. >> he's not doing as good a job as walter mitty. >> stephanie: romney continues to be dogged by the release of the secretly taped video that shows him denigrating half the population. unique campaign. half of america -- >> i was in nevada over the weekend. a swing state.

all of the commercials that you see are just absolutely remarkable. it is like one after another. >> stephanie: polls are showing it is really -- it is really swinging independents -- >> democrat's commercials are really good. >> stephanie: you can just use -- footage of the candidates. >> that's all they do in one of the commercials. >> stephanie: roomful of writers. they're like okay, we're done. let's go out for drinks. [ applause ] just play the tape of him. >> stephanie: this has forced him to play up empathy since he's such a natural at. >> i've been practicing empathy. >> stephanie: even some supporters say he's too vague about his plans. this is why political experts say wednesday's debate is so crucial. i can't wait. 58 minutes after the hour. eric boehlert and right-wing world next on "the stephanie miller show." >> stephanie: get naked and eat somebody's face at your leisure.

[ ♪ theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: hello current tv land. eric boehlert coming up. fellow political geek jacki schechner, how many times have you poked yourself in the eye with your pocket protector getting ready for wednesday? >> i'm excited for it. >> stephanie: we get to be on the same set together there in culver city. i will make sure jim stops pawing you. >> we're going to have this black cable so you can see under it. >> stephanie: jim. jim! >> keep that in mind. >> are you bringing jim? i didn't realize he was allowed out. >> stephanie: for this one special time. we put him in a hannibal lecter

mask. >> stephanie: lindsay lohan ankle monitor? >> stephanie: just in case, chris carries a tranquilizer gun. >> what do we do with this man? >> stephanie: and a net so if he gets within two inches of you, don't worry. we'll take him down. >> i'll be at the ready with a blow dart. >> yeah. >> you could use that just for fun. >> you know what? i think you're right. >> stephanie: here she is. jacki schechner in the current news center. >> good morning. national healthcare reform is going to come up in wednesday night's debate and it's going to be interesting to see how mitt romney tries to distance himself from the massachusetts plan that served as an outline for the affordable care act. cnn reports that the romney campaign has sent out a mailer to voters in virginia. healthcare reform as a tax hike and a job killer. it promises that romney will take immediate steps to repeal

and replace healthcare reform on day one. the two lesser known healthcare reform provision of the affordable care act kick in today and that means good news for patients and consumers. we're using head care's -- we're using medicare's coverage to help provide more efficient care and higher quality care by withholding 1% of medicare payments to about 3,000 hospitals. medicare authorities can then redistribute and that $850 million to reward hospitals that perform the best. the second part of approving equality of care comes from encouraging hospitals to lower the rate of readmissions. it gets very expensive if we don't get people treated the first time around. so hospitals with high rates of readmissions will lose up to 1% of their medicare payment until they can improve conditions and care. both of these improvements are an effort to get away from a system that pays for quantity of procedures and care as opposed

to quality of care. it is all good news for us. we'll be back with more after the break. presidential debate. with unrivaled analysis and commentary. >> you're going to hear that used as a major talking point. (vo) the only network with real-time reaction straight from the campaigns and from viewers like you. >>now that's politically direct. hershey's drops. a lot of hershey's happiness in little drops of milk chocolate. and cookies n creme.

pure hershey's.

[ ♪ theme music ♪ ] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's "the stephanie miller show." [ ♪ theme music ♪ ] >> stephanie: wee! it is "the stephanie miller show." it is the big week. six minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12. off a triumphant show in seattle. we love you, seattle! by the way tickets flying off the shelves already for new york. pictures are up from the seattle show i believe at sexy liberal facebook. yeah, he'll send them to you. we'll get them up on ours.

>> all right. >> stephanie: by the way the celebrity i booked for panel for new york, i told you i actually told the person i might stroke out just introducing them. so exciting. >> what did they say? >> stephanie: it's all right. [farting sounds] >> stephanie: incontinence over it. i almost poohed myself. trust me, you're going to be excited. you guys know who. >> it is a very big star. very big star. [ screaming ] >> stephanie: squee! 1-800-steph-12. the phone number toll free from anywhere. unsolicited testimonial from gracey. steph, every morning when our rescue gracey hears your theme song, she runs into my studio and plops into my drawing board. she's boston terrier and schnauzer. gracey. and the squeak my fridge makes when we close it never bothered me until chris played the dana loesch squeal. i never hear anything but that now.

see, you'll probably lose weight because you won't want to open the door as much. >> oh, god. >> stephanie: just ate this morning. i don't need -- >> i can't believe she said you were old. >> dana loesch? >> stephanie: b-yoch. t-bone sent her a nice happy birthday tweet. i'm 1,000 years younger than her. >> oh, my god! >> but you have a -- >> stephanie: i have a what? >> on guard bitch! >> you have a much more spectacular ass than dana loesch can ever hope to have. >> why are conservatives so ill-tempered? is it because they know they're going to lose? >> stephanie: probably. they're getting a little screechy. that orange is still good. okay. speaking of my favorite things, it is monday and yeah, it is time for our buddy our pal eric boehlert from media matters for america doing the lord's

work as usual. ♪ hurts so good ♪ >> come on baby -- >> eric boehlert. >> stephanie: let's dive into the right-wing world. eric boehlert from media matters. ♪ hurts so good ♪ >> stephanie: good morning eric boehlert. >> good morning. >> stephanie: i loved your tweets why isn't fox news covering voter fraud story? hint, it involves the g.o.p. it has been disappeared into the fox cornfield. >> this is amazing. this is exactly what they accused acorn of doing in 2008. i'm doing research now. just in their prime time, fox did like 50 reports about acorn. you remember acorn was stealing the election. there were allegations that they had submitted registration forms with some dubious information and dubious addresses, things like that. what fox ignored was by law acorn had to submit all applications no matter what people put down as funny

addresses and things like that. that was their huge conspiracy. now unfolding in florida this is a voter registration firm paid directly by the republican party, acorn has never been paid by the democratic party. and lo and behold, at least 11 counties are finding hundreds of bogus registration forms and fox news could not care less. >> stephanie: yep. >> flushed down. >> stephanie: this is becoming -- this is a criminal investigation. >> oh, yeah. >> stephanie: no small story right? >> yeah. it was sent over to -- the board of elections and some florida law enforcement is looking into it. the republican party was forced -- not only in florida but five states i believe -- well, this firm was hired in five states. they've been fired in florida and fired in colorado. there was. >>tube clip of one of the employees supposedly soliciting registration forms in colorado but only republican registration

forms. wasn't interested in signing anyone up who wanted to be a democrat. this republican firm has do gotten in trouble for voter registration fraud. not voter fraud at the polls but questions about registrations over and over again and yet this was -- according to the florida report, this was the only firm that the g.o.p. hired in order to boost its voter registration and lo and behold, they had to fire him. but again, you know, where is fox news? where is breitbart.com? i mean breitbart is synonymous with acorn. synonymous with voter fraud. they're sitting this one out because it doesn't look good for the republicans. it is just amazing. >> stephanie: by the way, i love it, as we dive into right-wing world we'll hear more of the vast conspiracy that these polls are not only wrong but we -- the media has -- we're making them up to suppress voter turnout. as you say nate silver does numbers. he's a numbers guy. he's been pretty accurate, i

think in previous elections but as you tweeted it has been that kind of week for mitt. nate silver puts obama's now cast re-election chance at 97.8%. >> holy crap. >> yeah. this is, by far, to me, from a media right wing delusional obama derangement syndrome file this is by far the most fascinating development. you know, media matters we watch these right wing crazies. you watch them all the time and the amazing thing is they never cease to surprise us with what they come with next. two weeks ago, if you told me virtually the entire conservative pundit accuracy would go all in on this claim there was this conspiracy or pollsters -- all pollsters were now in the pocket of the white house -- >> stephanie: a. p. is in on it. obama was in reach of a second term.

obama within reach of the 270 electoral votes. mitt romney's pass victory is narrowing. the associated press reported yesterday. again, just numbers right eric? just numbers. it is a snapshot. they admit of where we are right now. >> i haven't seen it specifically -- i saw something on twitter a headline that even rasmussen has obama up three. so now they've got -- >> stephanie: the fox news poll. as well. >> they're in on the conspiracy. >> the "wall street journal" poll. you have to have rupert purr dock's -- murdoch's fox, rupert murdoch, rasmussen in on the conspiracy. it is a wildfire! >> stephanie: we're like wow. so mitt romney is running a really good campaign? [ scooby-doo's "huh?" ] >> so now fox news's strategy is to diminish the people who vote for president obama. calling them stupid. stupidest people on earth. >> stephanie: let's hear some of that. let's dive into the right-wing world. sean hannity reaching back for his reagan binky.

>> you and i know this, the president walked into a mess, right? let's stop and think about it. so did ronald reagan. >> ronald reagan, 8% growth. >> we're not debating ronald reagan. we're debating obama. >> reagan had a far worse economy than obama inherited. he said he was inheriting it and he said -- but he hasn't fixed it. >> wow. >> stephanie: wow. really reaching now, aren't you? >> they love to revise the reagan and -- as media matters has pointed out there is no comparison in terms of the economy because the fed could just change interest rates which they did, which basically fixed that economy. you know, the fed can't do anymore when you're at zero, you can't go any lower. also, the unemployment completely different story. what hannity never mentions, if you go back to -- we're going way back here. if you're going back to the closing months of the carter/reagan campaign, unemployment was going down

under the last six months under jimmy carter. ronald reagan won and it skyrocketed back up. ronald reagan did not inherit climbing unemployment the way barack obama did. ronald reagan actually inherited unemployment on its way down. he got into office and it did a u-turn and it went back up. hannity -- and the reagan -- >> stephanie: exploded -- >> never want to talk about that little fact. >> stephanie: exploded the debt. amazing how they ignore that. that's all they talk about now is the debt and the deficit. >> fdr caused great depression. >> stephanie: all right. steven crowder. a comedian. >> is that who he is? >> stephanie: fox news. >> something i know because i'm a millennial. we tend to vote in our own self-interest. you see in the occupied movement vote for more -- not based on the constitution parameters of government. not based ond founding principles but what the government can give them.

>> stephanie: i guess so. >> i think he gave up on telling jokes a long time ago. he figured out he wasn't good at it. >> stephanie: that was a basic untrue statement. >> this ties into voters are too dumb to vote for mitt romney. and b it ties into the whole 49%, this whole notion that anyone who votes for barack obama is looking for a handout. >> stephanie: you're not just stupid. you're not just stupid. you're selfish. >> you're on free stuff. veterans the elderly the handicapped, unemployed. they're looking for free stuff. >> stephanie: yep. >> it is quite a message for a national campaign. >> stephanie: really is. brian kilmeade on fox and friends. >> another national poll, fox news's poll that shows him with a lead if it was head to head with -- and we were doing an electoral system. he's actually up now on ryan where we were basically a dead heat before the conventions. he's up by -- on president obama. but there is some good news in

these numbers. one of them is -- look at the margin of victory -- margin of error, i'm sorry. >> stephanie: they're sounding a little scrambly. >> they reported their own poll then he said but there's some good news in this. so -- >> stephanie: margin of victory error. do we have to stay here for the next month. >> it turns out 2 plus 2 is 17 after all-all. >> fox has had this problem for months, most of the year they've had this very serious problem where they have what appears to be a legitimate polling operation and time and again whether it is obama's approval rating or hitting obama up against romney, time and again consistently, they've shown obama doing well. fox has been in the corner not knowing what to do. this has gone on all year. they bury the polls and look for the silver linings but now it is incredibly embarrassing because they're telling all of the viewers, none of the polls can be trusted and -- >> stephanie: i can't blame

them. >> how would you like to be the head of polling at fox news and -- >> stephanie: i have more bad news. >> telling the viewers you're a schmuck and you don't know what you're doing. >> stephanie: i can't wait for election night. it turns out everything we've been saying is -- do not believe us. >> bouquet of flowers as an apology. >> they have to. poor karl rove will be tearing his hair out if he had any left. >> stephanie: eric boehlert remains in the side sidecar. we continue with the right-wing world right after the commercials. >> announcer: it's "the stephanie miller show."

cted. >>stephanie miller challenges the system, now it's your turn. >>it's a little bit of magic. >>connect with "talking liberally with stephanie miller" at facebook.com/stephaniemillershow and on twitter at smshow. [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> this is a vintage arizona

♪ we've got the beat, we've got the beat, we've got the beat, yeah ♪ ♪ we've got it ♪ >> stephanie miller. >> stephanie: it is the "the stephanie miller show." 22 minutes after the hour. t-bone saw the go-gos at the hollywood bowl. love it. >> there with a bunch of other '80s bands. >> stephanie: he house and dog sat for mama while i was in seattle. >> that seems to be his thing. >> stephanie: he thought i was going to be mad. i left the house saturday night. that's okay, honey. i went to the go-gos. [ applause ] i said don't leave the house when you're house-sitting! >> norm and desmond never let the screenwriter leave. >> stephanie: he was afraid he was going to end up face down in the pool. you can leave the house now and then. >> actually, travis is a screenwriter so he could end up face down in your pool. >> stephanie: he's been on the phone all morning with jodie foster. seriously, t-bone, tell her to stop saying she's dating me.

>> stop this. >> stephanie: i wake up screaming. i hear myself screaming. >> ann: stop it. >> stephanie: nightmare. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. let's go to tim in canada. you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi tim. >> caller: hello. >> stephanie: hi. >> caller: yes, i'm from canada here. and usually when i go through chicago, i listen to the progressive talk show. but anyways i got quickly here to kind of go over some points. that i feel i'm concerned because i love the u.s. a lot myself. to have a vibrant and flourishing country, you have to deal with the issue of taxes healthcare education and wages. >> stephanie: yeah, right. >> caller: it is like wheels on a truck. if one of them is flat, you're not going to go that much. >> stephanie: yep. in canada, they have socialist

wheels and things seem to be rolling along just fine. tommy sent you as a butt case. >> i saw that. >> a butt cake. >> sounds like you were going to call me something else and stopped -- >> stephanie: every sexy liberal, i'm a little filthy. fcc, whatever. ron in -- >> i'm glad you ended on butt cake. >> stephanie: my mental note -- dialing for something. hello. hello, ron. >> caller: hi, stephanie. happy belated birthday. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: i have a couple of points. i am a registered republican who voted for both clinton both terms and barack in '08. >> stephanie: okay. >> caller: i'm that middle class guy that everybody seems to be trying to help but however just a point is that my health insurance is actually -- went up and my coverage has went down. so i do support the president. i do think he's doing a great

job. i will be voting for him again this year. but i was just curious i mean im's the guy that supposedly everyone is supposed to be helping and it has gotten more out of hand for me. i have three kids. my co-pay has doubled. so i was just wondering if this is going to last? >> stephanie: no. first of all that's insurance companies. that doesn't -- that is not related to obama care. a lot of which hasn't even kicked in yet. i don't know if you heard the story earlier that romney and ryan's plan, your costs would definitely go up. there is no other way -- we've tried it with medicare advantage basically. >> a bummer. really the socialist that he says we are, we would have social payer. people would be paying 95% the eisenhower rate. well-known communist dwight eisenhower. >> stephanie: is it me? [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] romney is the worst candidate or the worst surrogates ever including ann who said she's

worried he might go a little crazy. huh. person that knows him best said this. >> ann: my biggest concern now would be for his mental well-being. i have all of the confidence in the world in his ability in his decisiveness and his leadership skills and his understanding of the economy and his understanding of what's missing right now in the economy, the piecess are missing to get this jump started. soar, for me, it would just be the emotional part of it. >> whoa. >> stephanie: okay. >> going to be curled in a fetal position. >> stephanie: tightly wound. he's under a lot of stress. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> they're coming to take me away ha ha, ho ho, hee hee. >> was that a peek into the truth of mitt romney? >> stephanie: oh dear. >> ha ha ho ho hee hee. >> stephanie: they're becoming a little unhinged.

you why stop it. stop it, mitt. >> ann: stop it. >> please stop. my mind is going. i can feel it. >> stephanie: oh, boy. every interview with her looks like a theme from "the help." and we're getting ready to make her a big electoral [ bleep ] pie in november. eat up, ann it's your turn. >> ann: stop it. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> ain't no blueberries in that pie. >> stephanie: lean forward. >> into the pie. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> stephanie: speaking of which, i don't know what the point of them is. top romney adviser criticizes obama for not killing bin laden fast enough. really? is that all you got? john sununu accused of president obama of waiting too long to -- in an interview with "the new york times." >> waiting two terms of w? >> stephanie: obama was timid. could have gone after him sooner and attributeded to secretary of state hillary clinton.

what? as you recall, even a former defense secretary robert gates who served with bush described obama's decision to order the raid as gutsy saying people don't realize what a tough call it was. he and vice president biden both advised obama against the raid because they didn't have 100% surety he was there. so i don't know what you're talking about john sununu but nice try. [ applause ] >> he's the worst surrogate ever! >> stephanie: 29 minutes after the hour. it's still monday. even though it's not his usual time but it is time for rudeness. rude pundit joins us next on "the stephanie miller show."

(vo) what is said here could decide the election. current tv presents coverage of the presidential debate. with unrivaled analysis and commentary. >> you're going to hear that used as a major talking point. (vo) the only network with real-time reaction straight from the campaigns and from viewers like you. >>now that's politically direct.

[ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> we were actually looking for >> stephanie miller. >> does not count as real -- that's like looking at a 12-year-old boy. you should know that, joe. >> stephanie: i beg your pardon. check it out. >> your boobs are much more spectacular than dana loesch's. >> stephanie: thank you. how rude! ♪ >> stephanie: good morning rudeness. >> good morning! >> stephanie: i love your -- just the post name, the exponential uselessness of discussing the romney campaign anymore. >> don't you feel it every time you open your mouth to say anything about him? >> stephanie: it is a general sense of electoral -- you say the rude pundit has run out of

words to describe the utter failure of mitt romney as a presidential candidate. mocking him is using a rocket launcher on a fish in a barrel. >> anything that comes out just makes you go oh, god, this is just pathetic. can we take this campaign out in the alley? can we show it to rabbits or whatever? >> stephanie: tell the story about the rabbits. an unmitigated gloom that hangs over not just the romney campaign but the media coverage of the entire race. you say -- despair we're discussing it because there is still over a month left. >> oh, sweet jesus. >> stephanie: he's saying you can see the dead stare in erin burnett's eyes as she says why the [ bleep ] are we bothering? please say there is a war we can be sent to. >> anything that comes up, it is like wait a minute, voter fraud?

oh, thank god. oh good. some other reason to live to the next day. >> stephanie: you say either way though, there's nothing else to say. not with most swing states in obama's camp. behaving awkwardly. making ads where he sounds like he's the most sincere used car salesman in history. and yet, chris christie says there is going to be -- it is going to change the whole narrative wednesday night. >> i love it that the campaign begins anew wednesday night. we're shaking the etch-a-sketch one more time here. yeah. just hearing about romney's debate prep just is so depressing. >> stephanie: i know. >> not only that he's had zingers written for him but that he's practicing them on his staff since august. >> stephanie: they've let that leak out so now it seems even more pathetic. >> how many suicides have there been on the staff? >> stephanie: i'm precringing already. >> not just lowering expectations at this point.

it's just abandoning expectation of an idea altogether. >> stephanie: it is like open mic night. you know it is going to suck. >> yeah. every other joke he's ever tried has fallen flat. at some point i hope he breaks down and just starts singing "america the beautiful." >> oh beautiful for spacious skies -- >> stephanie: really at this point barring the discovery of some piece of video where barack obama says he wants to [ bleep ] young white girls in front of the lincoln memorial, the only thing the president has to worry about romney is a surge in the pity vote. >> he needs my vote more than obama does. make him feel a little better. >> stephanie: it is not us, it's you. it is a larger problem. someone brought this up on bill maher. it is not new candidates they need. it is new ideas. the same old ideas. >> right. but they refuse -- they keep thinking it is something else. it is shifting demographics or -- it is us.

this whole skewed poll thing you know. that they're going on about. the idea that polls are skewed because they're talking to more democrats than republicans in certain states but they're only going by the registrations of voters. >> stephanie: yeah. this might have been one of my favorite paragraphs. regarding mitt romney's sinking chances of winning the election, lindsey graham told reporters yesterday, you should imagine paul lynn playing a confederate general in a sketch on the dinah shore show. >> thank you. that's for the olds in the audience. wow. >> stephanie: he said there's a reason no president has been re-elected in a economy like this. this is more of a demographic race for president than it is a performance-based race. so as you say according to graham, there's too many nonwhite people voting. that's the real problem right? >> too many. too many hispanics. too many black people. who knows what the hell the asians are up to. >> stephanie: as you say if

you haven't caught on to the fact that there's less white people as a percentage of the voting population then you're a stegosaurus with one foot in the tarpit. it really is. it is like old man yells at cloud. it is really like okay, lindsey yes, this is america now. >> right. if you haven't adjusted by now i think we talked about this last week, there are some g.o.p. consultants that have said this is the last time we'll be able to try this kind of race dating in an election. and this is sort of the death knell for the old white male vote. that we're going to have to reach out in a way that's not just marco rubio to -- or herman cain to people of other races. >> stephanie: as you say and as only you can what republicans understand they nominated an unlikable jackoff who has all of the compassion of a sack of [ bleep ] who is an awful candidate who can't explain his plans who says things to demonstrate he gives less of a [ bleep ] about the average person than his

manicure. mitt romney is losing because he's mitt romney and even nascar fans can see that. that's the basic truth right? >> didn't madeleine albright say something like that this weekend. she was being interviewed she said he's just a two-dimensional guy. it is almost frightening to look at him. that was my -- that last part was me. >> stephanie: the reason we're seeing the polling rude, as you explain, whether it's undecided or swing voters, you don't have to be in new york to get the republicans are a craving bunch of mother [ bleep ] who are trying to protect the rich or enforce their cribb extremist morality. you don't have to have a rachel ma do you poster on your wall to see what they tried to do. you don't have to get media matters updates to see that romney's calculated emptiness is frightening. when they're interviewing southern baptist birthers who are going to vote for obama you know that, right? >> right. i think a lot of americans

these mythical independents are looking at that going okay, who do we want to hang out with? do we want to hang out with the crazies over here or do we want to go to the people that sound reasonable and live in reality over here? >> stephanie: right. and you being a helper like are you to the republicans, you gave the republican party probably the best -- you said what the republicans need to do is take a long look in the mirror. we're a bunch of unmitigated [ bleep ] heads or you need to admit they're simply the party of the greedy and the crazy and we don't know how to change that. it is time to give up. >> yeah. >> stephanie: it will be interesting to see what happens after the election, right? >> right. you know, there is a chance if it's -- i think michael tomasky wrote in "daily beast" about what happens if it's a landslide and i think that there's always that possibility that the republican party is going to have to tear itself in two. it will have to be rumpelstiltskin-like and rip itself in two and become a conservative party and then the

sane conservative party. and we know that the crazy conservative party will be way bigger at this point. >> stephanie: yeah. here's the headline i love best. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] rude, you never know, there might be a last minute miracle. desperate mormons are fasting for romney. i think in my opinion is going to lead to a bunch of really skinny mormons. it won't lead to president romney but i'm just saying. increasing number are scrambling for divine intervention now that the sho polls show their candidate's chances are not looking good. they called for mass fasting to help elect mittens. >> i want to hear what harry reid has to say about that. >> stephanie: harry reid is already kind of skinny. >> i don't think i can think of a fat mormon. >> pretty sure that any kind of indulgence like that is some kind of sin. upsets american jesus or something. >> stephanie: american jesus.

>> i love you rude pundit. oh, my god. >> stephanie: all right honey, we'll see you next week. great stuff as always. bye, sweetheart. american jesus. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] forget that he was a mideastern jew. okay. american kick ass jesus. that's what we believe in. >> rambo of nazareth. >> stephanie: rambo jesus. wow. did you see this one speaking of bad romney surrogates? john bolton. he harshly criticized the obama administration's response to libya this month calling the u.s. response limp-wristed. [ buzzer ] a homophobic slur. >> great. >> stephanie: hal sparks pointed out in seattle john bolton's -- when he gets excited, his mustache goes woo! crazy mustache that he has. >> it goes what? >> stephanie: you have to see hal do it. ask him wednesday. >> do it again. >> stephanie: like a walrus. >> i just had to see you do it

again. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: he gets excited. he's a little unhinged, john bolton. >> i think you could knock part of john bolton's head off and it wouldn't make any difference. >> you could take out a few floors. >> the building in new york has 38 stories. if you lost 10 stories today it wouldn't make a bit of difference. >> stephanie: none of those thoughts -- have a lot of use anyway. okay. wow. charles krauthammer trashing the romney campaign again. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> the romney campaign must have really slighted krauthammer. >> stephanie: his latest column inexplicably small ball against president obama. krauthammer writes romney has taken every opportunity to make broad chases against obama. has chosen to make small critiques rather than presenting alternatives. his willingness to go big is astonishing. romney's smallness is potentially fatal. in fact, it is likely fatal given how far behind he is in the polls. even his counter punching has

gone miniature. barack obama is getting larger. >> he must like chris christie then. he's large. >> krauthammer concludes it is not too late to turn the ship around. [ ding ding ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: right into the iceberg. you can turn the ship around. but do something bold. >> romney is incapable of going large. he's so carefully calculated, there's no way he could go large. >> stephanie: he's a little, little man. 45 minutes after the hour. krauthammer. oh dear. >> when he lost count chocula. >> stephanie: no electoral crunch berries for anyone. right back on "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: it's like a mensa meeting with fart jokes. it's "the stephanie miller show."

>>oh really? >>tax cuts don't create jobs. the golden years as the conservatives call them, we had the highest tax rates, and the highest amount of growth, and the highest amount of jobs. those are facts. >>"if you ever raise taxes on the rich, you're going to destroy our economy." not true!

>>i jump out of my skin at people when i'm upset. they're doing this

this corruption based on corruption based on corruption. >>that's an understatement, eliot. [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> stephanie: 50 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12. sexy liberal facebook. hilarious comments on the -- we posted pictures from seattle and you have a special place in our hearts seattle. michael wrote you all have a special place in my pants. that's very sweet. thank you. tony writes, i can't hear the show. i'm flying in from missouri. pressure. i have meet and grope tickets so

wear a cup, hal and john and aisha and you wear sports bras. >> stephanie: all right. so noted. >> i don't think you go anywhere without a sports bra. >> stephanie: i use a tarty bra for sexy liberal. >> this is my spinning bra. >> your bra spins? uncomfortable. >> stephanie: more electoral malfeasance. down in florida. a florida republican volunteer tells senior citizens obama's a muslim who will get kid of your medicare. -- who will get rid of your medicare. she said he would get rid of your medicare. somebody's got one of those fancy answering machines that can record stuff. she said y'all sound like senior citizens. you don't want obama because he'll get rid of your medicare. you may as well say good-bye to it. i don't know if you've done research on obama or not but he's a muslim. he's got a socialistic view of the government. the whole nine yards. we would be a socialistic

country. pay attention to fox news. there's good advice. if you didn't watch the movie "2016", it has a lot of good information. >> stephanie: fox news will help you. oh, yes they will help you into a fact-free existence. [ applause ] looky here. top democrats are pushing tax writers in both the senate and house to let mitt romney to use a tax savings vehicle to build a retirement fund. the rest of us have a limit on how much we can put into that there. isn't that something? so many special projects available. >> so many closed loopholes. >> stephanie: not that one. oh heavens. todd akin is a consultant compares him to david koresh. maybe mitt romney does not have the worst surrogates. maybe todd akin. a consultant for embattled

senate candidate todd akin compared him -- his fortitude to deadly cult leader david koresh. while making a point about how -- withstood republican attempts to get him off the ballot. kelly ann conway, please and thank you. she said the first day or two there, there was a -- it was like waco with the david koresh situation where they're trying to smoke him out with the s.w.a.t. teams and the bad nancy sinatra records. the guy is not coming out of the bunker. >> he's going to burn everyone alive. >> great. >> stephanie: yes. thank you for playing. really bad analyses. >> did you get that, kansas, todd akin wants to burn you alive. >> stephanie: kelly ann conway is undy-like -- unlady-like. house republican -- involved in a scuffle with lindsay lohan. christian labella worked for john of illinois.

yes. republicans into my celebrity status. >> who won? >> stephanie: my money is on lindsay! >> she's vicious and drunk. >> stephanie: yikes. do not tangle with her. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> stephanie: danish tabloids, pictures of kate middleton's cooter. i did not know they were her cooter. >> if you piece them together, you'll have a fully naked picture of kate middleton. you have the top and the pom now. >> stephanie: the queen is doubly not amused. i thought it was rack not cooter. >> it is both now. >> stephanie: the corgis and i -- we're uncomfortable. oh boy. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] speaking of cooter. really? just when you didn't think arnold schwarzenegger could be a bigger shut. he had an affair with brigitte nielsen while he was living with maria shriver before they got married while they were doing red -- >> this was before brigitte

nielsen spent the afternoon drunk passed out in the parking lot -- >> it was long before that. >> stephanie: that's what happens when you sleep with arnold schwarzenegger. >> talking about the women, he was talking about maria. >> stephanie: zoinks. i can never pronounce this singer's name. ke$ha. ke$ha. i don't understand the dollar sign in there. it is unpronounceable. >> no. to attract money. >> stephanie: can i change the s in stephanie to a dollar sign? >> sure. maybe that will attract more money. >> stephanie: okay. [ laughter ] ke$ha says she had sex with a ghost. that's the theme of her new song supernatural. [ ding ding ] [ buzzer ] [ applause ] >> like barbara hershey and the entity. as you recall, the entire theme of which was that she was -- there was a rapey ghost. >> that's right. >> stephanie: there was a

rapey ghost in her bedroom. >> stephanie: she was raped by a sound effect. that's the only way you knew the ghost was there. there was a sound effect. >> only way you could get it was to freeze it. >> stephanie: no, that's ghostbusters. >> no. because they put barbara hershey in a bed inside this glass house thing. >> stephanie: oh right. >> they pumped all kinds of cold air into it and they froze it. >> stephanie: not to be confused with john travolta in the plastic bubble. >> that legitimate rape sound effect. >> stephanie: is ghost rape legitimate rape? is it forcible? >> it's forcible. >> i remember that movie like the back of my hand. >> stephanie: me too. >> don't touch me on that one. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> stephanie: superficial -- because he's a deeply religious man of god fifty cent said that masturbating is a sin so they should probably cut that [ bleep ] out. masturbation is a sin. you stop right now fool, lol. god is watching you.

>> stephanie: i don't think that was the theme of the bette midler song. [ applause ] >> you can't masturbate "from a distance." maybe he can. just sayin'. >> just going for distance. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: reese witherspoon had a baby. not in a bar. >> look at you! you have a baby. in a bar. >> hopefully the baby didn't inherit that pointy chin. >> stop it. she's beautiful! [ buzzer ] >> oh, my god. >> it might be painful. >> there goes our outreach to reese witherspoon to get her on the show. >> stephanie: so much for that booking, jim. dina lohan gives advice to parents. >> oh, really? >> wow, there goes the dina lohan booking.

[ applause ] >> stephanie: she'll only show up drunk on dr. phil's show now, not my show. all right and then the latest headline, tom cruise has feelings for cameron diaz, y'all >> run cameron run very fast, very far away. >> stephanie: cameron loves spending time with tom but as a brother figure. that's weird. >> did he call her a sexy lady? [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: jim, you need to go home now. >> there goes that tom cruise booking. >> we knew that years ago. >> stephanie: we have to get out of here before jim blows through the whole rolodex. chris chris lavoie, jim ward sort of, t-bone and courtney and the jacki is current. we'll see you tomorrow on "the stephanie miller show." hal. he's coming back from germany